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eruvadhrilHe he STUPID RING ROCKS!!!
Merry: Please can I go to war?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I go?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I go?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I stay behind?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Aha! Gotcha!
Theoden: Grr... You're not goin'.
Merry: Aww... You're the meanest king I ever offered my sword to. (scuffs foot)
Frodo: Good Lord woman! What did you show me that for? I hate that stupid flaming eye thingie!!
Ring: It's not that bad.
Galadriel: I know what it is you last saw...(long dramatic pause) for it is also in MY mind.
Sam: Actually, I think you know what it is he last saw...(another long dramatic pause) because he just TOLD you.
Galadriel: (gives Sam nasty look) (turns to Frodo) I knew anyway.
Frodo: Umm...okay.Won't you take the ring?
Galadriel: No, I thought about grabbing it from you already. But that would be a bad thing.
Sam: Why?
Galadriel: Because I'm so beautiful and desirable already! If I had the one ring I WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS (gets really big and scary gorgeous) and that would make everyone's head explode.
Frodo: You're probably right. Damn! I wish it worked on me like that!
Galadriel: But the suckiest part is if you destroy the one ring, then my ring will lose it's power. Then Lothlorien will become all mundane and ugly like the rest of Middle Earth and I'll have to sail into the west. I'm allergic to mundane... gives me bad headaches.
Voice from far above in the treetops: Dorko!
Other voices: Giggle, giggle, [stifled laughter]
Voice: OH.. I mean Daro!
Other voices: You're the Dorko!
Odd Narrator: Legolas froze.. for he had been commanded.. in a strange tongue something he hadn't recognized. He leapt to the ground and whispered to his friends.
Legolas: Stand still.. Do not move or speak!
Voice from above: (snicker) Ellohay Egolaslay, atwhay areway ouyay oingday erehay?
Legolas: Ustjay assingpay oughthray onway ourway ayway otay Ordormay.
Merry: What the hell kind of language is that?
Aragorn: It is the ancient High Speech of the Elves!
(cool elven rope ladder drops out of the trees)
Legolas: Here now.. I will go up this shimmery ladder and speak with them.. for they are Elves, and I am an Elf.. and we are cool and so above you.. so just a sec.
Galadriel: And now, before you go, I have for each of you a gift. I give them to you as a remembrance of Lothlorien. For Aragorn, I give you this sheath so that you will not accidentally stab yourself with your own sword. . .again. And now, Aragorn, any final requests?
Aragorn: Well yes actually, you see there is your. .
Galadriel: Why yes, I will give you another silver brooch with a green gem!
Aragorn: But that's not what. . .
Galadriel: See how lovely they appear together!
Aragorn: Aha! Lovely together! That's what I was about. . .
Galadriel: Oh I am SO glad that you like them! Next I have. . .
Aragorn: But. . .
Celeborn: [whispers to Aragorn] ixnay on the andhay in arrigemay.
Aragorn: okayhay. *sigh*
Galadriel: For Legolas, I have brought you this: [a long wooden box with the elf-rune: KALSHNIKOV embossed on the front], and I give you these as well! [several smaller boxes with the elf-runes: 7.62 MM]
Legolas: [wild look in his eyes] Thank you lady, long shall I remember this day!
Galadriel: And for these two valorous and noble Halflings I give to you belts of silver, hand crafted by the finest elven smiths, with clasps of golden Mallorn leaves.
Pippin and Merry: SCORE! [high five each other]
Galadriel: And for Boromir, I have this.
Boromir: A book?
Galadriel: Look upon it, is it not fair?
Boromir: "How to win friends and influence people." Um, thanks, I'm not much of a reader after the sports page and the comics, but I'll give it the once over. I was really hoping for a golden belt though. *sigh*
Galadriel: And what might I have for this loyal follower of the ringbearer? To Sam I give this: [hands Sam a small wooden box with "G" embossed upon it.]
Sam: [taking gift and opening it] Why thank you Lady for this gi. . .Um. Is this right?
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam. I knew you would love it, for I am Galadriel and I know all and see all!
Sam: It's dirt.
Merry and Pippin: snicker-snicker!
Galadriel: Yes my dear sweet, munchable. . .
Frodo: Hey, you're getting a little familiar here aren't you?
Galadriel: . . . bigfooted, wood packing Sam. And not any dirt, but the finest of earth from the heart of my orchard.
Sam: yipee. I get a box of dirt from an orchard. ARAGORN gets a fancy sheath and jewelry, LEGOLAS gets a modern assault rifle that is entirely inappropriate to the setting, but offers many fun possibilities for the script, and I get dirt.
Galadriel: Yes
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: From an orchard.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: I don't freakin' believe. . .
Galadriel: I know Sam, it IS hard to believe! But it's true!
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam, after all, I'm omnipotent!
Sam: Well, you're somethin' that's for sure!
Galadriel: And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the elves?
Sam: Dirt.
Gimli: Nothing Lady.
Sam: She gave me a box of dirt. *sigh*
Galadriel: Nothing? Surely the heart of a Dwarf craves more than just a glimpse of the admittedly wondrous beauty and fair, musical words of the lady of the Golden Wood.
Gimli: Well there is one thing, um, [stands upon his tippy-toes and whispers into Galadriels ear]
Galadriel: AH! WHY YOU! [SMACKS Gimli upside the head]
Gimli: So then I guess the other thing is out of the question?
Galadriel: Well I never!
Gimli: Not even once? I find that hard to bel. . .OW. Stop hitting me!
Celeborn: Alright you. . .
Galadriel: Hush up, I can handle myself! And you master Dwarf, you just better mind your. . .mmmmphlll. . . . .MMMMmmmm!
[Gimli grabs Galadriel by the hair and gives her a big wet smooch]
Galadriel: [Slaps Gimli]
Gimli: [Slaps her back]
Galadriel and Gimli: [sudden passionate embrace]
Celeborn: Galadriel! What are you doing?
Galadriel: What does it look like? I'm being kissed by a MAN! Why don't you go home and bake some cookies or something! It's the only thing you've ever been good at anyway! Now where were we?
Celeborn: *sob*
Aragorn: Dude, show some spine! Geeze!
Celeborn: But she's so mean! she always goes and. . .
Aragorn: Whatever. Sorry to interrupt you two but we have this little errand to run and if you don't mind. . .
Galadriel: Here's my number, call me if you get to Valinor!
Gimli: Oh yeah!
Frodo: Ahem!
Galadriel: Hmm? Oh, here catch. Use it in dark places, yadda, yadda. . .
Gimli: So whaddya say babe, we got a few minutes before we blow this place, you wanna. . .you know?
Frodo: Thank you lady, I shall treasure it always!
Galadriel: Ah huh. [giggles] OH GIMLI!
Boromir: That's it, I'm outta here! You guys can stay or come with, but I have had it!
Aragorn: I'm with ya.
Hobbits: Us too.
Galadriel: Here my mighty Dwarf warrior take three strands of my hair and keep them ever by your heart. Until we meet again!
I know that went for ages but get over it.
Merry: Please can I go to war?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I go?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I go?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Please can I stay behind?
Theoden: No.
Merry: Aha! Gotcha!
Theoden: Grr... You're not goin'.
Merry: Aww... You're the meanest king I ever offered my sword to. (scuffs foot)
Frodo: Good Lord woman! What did you show me that for? I hate that stupid flaming eye thingie!!
Ring: It's not that bad.
Galadriel: I know what it is you last saw...(long dramatic pause) for it is also in MY mind.
Sam: Actually, I think you know what it is he last saw...(another long dramatic pause) because he just TOLD you.
Galadriel: (gives Sam nasty look) (turns to Frodo) I knew anyway.
Frodo: Umm...okay.Won't you take the ring?
Galadriel: No, I thought about grabbing it from you already. But that would be a bad thing.
Sam: Why?
Galadriel: Because I'm so beautiful and desirable already! If I had the one ring I WOULD LOOK LIKE THIS (gets really big and scary gorgeous) and that would make everyone's head explode.
Frodo: You're probably right. Damn! I wish it worked on me like that!
Galadriel: But the suckiest part is if you destroy the one ring, then my ring will lose it's power. Then Lothlorien will become all mundane and ugly like the rest of Middle Earth and I'll have to sail into the west. I'm allergic to mundane... gives me bad headaches.
Voice from far above in the treetops: Dorko!
Other voices: Giggle, giggle, [stifled laughter]
Voice: OH.. I mean Daro!
Other voices: You're the Dorko!
Odd Narrator: Legolas froze.. for he had been commanded.. in a strange tongue something he hadn't recognized. He leapt to the ground and whispered to his friends.
Legolas: Stand still.. Do not move or speak!
Voice from above: (snicker) Ellohay Egolaslay, atwhay areway ouyay oingday erehay?
Legolas: Ustjay assingpay oughthray onway ourway ayway otay Ordormay.
Merry: What the hell kind of language is that?
Aragorn: It is the ancient High Speech of the Elves!
(cool elven rope ladder drops out of the trees)
Legolas: Here now.. I will go up this shimmery ladder and speak with them.. for they are Elves, and I am an Elf.. and we are cool and so above you.. so just a sec.
Galadriel: And now, before you go, I have for each of you a gift. I give them to you as a remembrance of Lothlorien. For Aragorn, I give you this sheath so that you will not accidentally stab yourself with your own sword. . .again. And now, Aragorn, any final requests?
Aragorn: Well yes actually, you see there is your. .
Galadriel: Why yes, I will give you another silver brooch with a green gem!
Aragorn: But that's not what. . .
Galadriel: See how lovely they appear together!
Aragorn: Aha! Lovely together! That's what I was about. . .
Galadriel: Oh I am SO glad that you like them! Next I have. . .
Aragorn: But. . .
Celeborn: [whispers to Aragorn] ixnay on the andhay in arrigemay.
Aragorn: okayhay. *sigh*
Galadriel: For Legolas, I have brought you this: [a long wooden box with the elf-rune: KALSHNIKOV embossed on the front], and I give you these as well! [several smaller boxes with the elf-runes: 7.62 MM]
Legolas: [wild look in his eyes] Thank you lady, long shall I remember this day!
Galadriel: And for these two valorous and noble Halflings I give to you belts of silver, hand crafted by the finest elven smiths, with clasps of golden Mallorn leaves.
Pippin and Merry: SCORE! [high five each other]
Galadriel: And for Boromir, I have this.
Boromir: A book?
Galadriel: Look upon it, is it not fair?
Boromir: "How to win friends and influence people." Um, thanks, I'm not much of a reader after the sports page and the comics, but I'll give it the once over. I was really hoping for a golden belt though. *sigh*
Galadriel: And what might I have for this loyal follower of the ringbearer? To Sam I give this: [hands Sam a small wooden box with "G" embossed upon it.]
Sam: [taking gift and opening it] Why thank you Lady for this gi. . .Um. Is this right?
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam. I knew you would love it, for I am Galadriel and I know all and see all!
Sam: It's dirt.
Merry and Pippin: snicker-snicker!
Galadriel: Yes my dear sweet, munchable. . .
Frodo: Hey, you're getting a little familiar here aren't you?
Galadriel: . . . bigfooted, wood packing Sam. And not any dirt, but the finest of earth from the heart of my orchard.
Sam: yipee. I get a box of dirt from an orchard. ARAGORN gets a fancy sheath and jewelry, LEGOLAS gets a modern assault rifle that is entirely inappropriate to the setting, but offers many fun possibilities for the script, and I get dirt.
Galadriel: Yes
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: From an orchard.
Galadriel: Yes.
Sam: I don't freakin' believe. . .
Galadriel: I know Sam, it IS hard to believe! But it's true!
Sam: Dirt.
Galadriel: No need to thank me Sam, after all, I'm omnipotent!
Sam: Well, you're somethin' that's for sure!
Galadriel: And what gift would a Dwarf ask of the elves?
Sam: Dirt.
Gimli: Nothing Lady.
Sam: She gave me a box of dirt. *sigh*
Galadriel: Nothing? Surely the heart of a Dwarf craves more than just a glimpse of the admittedly wondrous beauty and fair, musical words of the lady of the Golden Wood.
Gimli: Well there is one thing, um, [stands upon his tippy-toes and whispers into Galadriels ear]
Galadriel: AH! WHY YOU! [SMACKS Gimli upside the head]
Gimli: So then I guess the other thing is out of the question?
Galadriel: Well I never!
Gimli: Not even once? I find that hard to bel. . .OW. Stop hitting me!
Celeborn: Alright you. . .
Galadriel: Hush up, I can handle myself! And you master Dwarf, you just better mind your. . .mmmmphlll. . . . .MMMMmmmm!
[Gimli grabs Galadriel by the hair and gives her a big wet smooch]
Galadriel: [Slaps Gimli]
Gimli: [Slaps her back]
Galadriel and Gimli: [sudden passionate embrace]
Celeborn: Galadriel! What are you doing?
Galadriel: What does it look like? I'm being kissed by a MAN! Why don't you go home and bake some cookies or something! It's the only thing you've ever been good at anyway! Now where were we?
Celeborn: *sob*
Aragorn: Dude, show some spine! Geeze!
Celeborn: But she's so mean! she always goes and. . .
Aragorn: Whatever. Sorry to interrupt you two but we have this little errand to run and if you don't mind. . .
Galadriel: Here's my number, call me if you get to Valinor!
Gimli: Oh yeah!
Frodo: Ahem!
Galadriel: Hmm? Oh, here catch. Use it in dark places, yadda, yadda. . .
Gimli: So whaddya say babe, we got a few minutes before we blow this place, you wanna. . .you know?
Frodo: Thank you lady, I shall treasure it always!
Galadriel: Ah huh. [giggles] OH GIMLI!
Boromir: That's it, I'm outta here! You guys can stay or come with, but I have had it!
Aragorn: I'm with ya.
Hobbits: Us too.
Galadriel: Here my mighty Dwarf warrior take three strands of my hair and keep them ever by your heart. Until we meet again!
I know that went for ages but get over it.
